Felix Harrowgate (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thaumartyrgical) wrote2015-10-03 09:18 pm
thaumartyrgical) wrote2015-10-03 09:18 pm
Entry tags:
app
character:
character name: Felix Harrowgate
series: The Doctrine of Labyrinths
CW FOR RAPE/ABUSE
Madness, abuse, betrayal, incest, trauma, labyrinths, dreams, political intrigue, death, exile—in the end, the Doctrine of Labyrinths mostly chronicles Felix's long, desperate struggle to know, understand, and forgive himself for the things that have been done to him and have made him the person he is. Felix is a brilliant wizard, a passionate intellectual and academic with a beautiful face, a sharp wit, and a clever tongue; but he's also deeply warped and damaged, haunted by his past, leading him to have poor coping mechanisms and repeatedly lash out and make mistakes out of misplaced fear and aggression.
This isn't to say that Felix is precious and perfect and free of any blame. No, he's insensitive and inconsiderate, unapologetic and hot-tempered, enjoys making others uncomfortable, and could (and would) pick a fight with a brick wall. He hurts the people he loves countless times, says he won't do it again, and then inevitably does, again and again, until they just come to expect it. At his heart, Felix is so terrified of being emotionally open and vulnerable that it's second nature to lash out instead and then turn that pain inwards again when he realizes again how awful he can be.
By the end of the series, Felix has at least begun to come to terms with this. He's dealt with a lot of grief over the death of Gideon, but is able to realize that he's a person worthy of being loved, and capable of loving in return. He is working to cement and hold onto a relationship of respect and equality with Mildmay after having abused his trust and failing to appreciate him. He's learning to finally let the ghosts of his past just be memories instead of hauntings. And most importantly, he's trying to forgive himself and be the sort of person he can be—someone who doesn't want to hurt anybody anymore; leaps into danger to save others; lights up like the sun when Gideon likes a gift he gave him; will do anything he can think of to protect his little brother; and is actually, in the end, very brave despite being so very afraid.
objective: Felix vs. objectives will be one hell of a field day. He's incredibly prone to forcing himself to do things he's uncomfortable with as a misguided attempt to punish himself, or to do what he thinks is right no matter how ill-advised it is, and sometimes the two get conflated. His decision-making ability is incredibly poor in that regard. His objectives will primarily be things he either loathes or enjoys (or both) but would need to be pushed into doing: being open and honest with others about things that are important to him, being submissive during sex, and apologizing.
sample:
Introduce yourself in a few sentences.
My name is Felix Harrowgate—I can only assume that if that name is familiar to you then I need no further introduction. If not, I can't imagine what more a man in my position might have to offer at this point. What can one say about oneself under such restrictions without an expectation of what you'd want to hear? Introductions are dreadfully reliant on context.
"The suffering of a few is okay if it benefits a great many." Do you agree with this sentiment? Why or why not?
I think the answer to this would be quite different depending on whether or not you're currently the one doing the suffering. Anyone who would say yes obviously is not—and I've yet to meet anyone who sincerely believed otherwise under duress. That, or they have no idea what it means to truly suffer. Interestingly enough, the ones that get to make those decisions, you know—well.
What event from your past has impacted you the most? Please describe.
No.
What are three things you're good at, as well as three things you're not so good at?
As must be self-evident, I am dazzlingly beautiful, with razor-sharp intellect and a fine ability to make a complicated mess of virtually anything. I am not very good at being vocally self-critical, answering questions seriously, or suffering fools gladly.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Darling, I'm perfect, and that's rude.
Do you believe in soulmates or love at first sight?
That sounds perfectly awful. Imagine, if only one person could ever be beloved of you in a way that eclipsed all others! What would happen to a person when something inevitably happened to disrupt that relationship. You'd be carrying the ghost of it around with you for years, like some shadow through which you're forced to view the world. No, I don't like it at all.
"Killing criminals is okay if they've committed a grave crime." Do you agree with this? Why or why not?
Didn't we already go over this one a little? Oh, of course, we may not have been considering criminals as part of the "few" whom it is appropriate to let suffer. There are rules, there are laws—honestly, having been inches from heretical burning on more than one occasion, and having not stepped in when seeing it done to others … Well, I suppose that whether or not I agree that it's okay, I never did a thing to protest it, and have damned myself accordingly.
Do you consider yourself a strong person? Why or why not?
You'll want my brother for that.
If you met a stranger, and were allowed to ask one single question in order to get to know them better, what question would you ask? And, if somebody asked you this question, how would you answer?
Why should I have to pick only one when you've been given the liberty of so many? Though, truly, maybe this one—after all, you can learn more about the questions someone asks, rather than the answers that they give.
Free section: (Please put something which you think symbolizes you or is otherwise important to you.)
If I'm permitted a book while I'm waiting—will this be judged? reviewed? brought before the Curia?—Nahum Westerly's Inquiries into the World's Heart. My copy, please. I'd hate to leave it behind. It has some sentimental value.
character name: Felix Harrowgate
series: The Doctrine of Labyrinths
- As a child, Felix was a kept-thief, then a d/s prostitute at age 11, and then taken in as an apprentice to an abusive, evil wizard.
- After his Master had suitably molded him and taught him to speak eloquently to support an elaborate fake backstory, Felix was sent to the Mirador where he quickly became a member of high society, a powerful wizard of the Cabaline, and lover of the Lord Protector's brother.
- All of this came crashing down around him when his past was revealed, his Master reeled him back in, raped him, betrayed him, and used him to destroy the Virtu, the heart of the Mirador's magic. Felix was made to take the blame, driven completely insane, and nearly executed.
- Felix was rescued first by Gideon, an outlander that helped realize that Felix was driven mad and under compulsion; and then by Felix's newly-discovered half-brother Mildmay, who helped Felix escape across the world to find the people who could heal him, who called to him in his dreams
- Felix returns and mends the Virtu, restoring his position at the Mirador, but quickly starts to learn that this doesn't fix all that's wrong with him
Madness, abuse, betrayal, incest, trauma, labyrinths, dreams, political intrigue, death, exile—in the end, the Doctrine of Labyrinths mostly chronicles Felix's long, desperate struggle to know, understand, and forgive himself for the things that have been done to him and have made him the person he is. Felix is a brilliant wizard, a passionate intellectual and academic with a beautiful face, a sharp wit, and a clever tongue; but he's also deeply warped and damaged, haunted by his past, leading him to have poor coping mechanisms and repeatedly lash out and make mistakes out of misplaced fear and aggression.
This isn't to say that Felix is precious and perfect and free of any blame. No, he's insensitive and inconsiderate, unapologetic and hot-tempered, enjoys making others uncomfortable, and could (and would) pick a fight with a brick wall. He hurts the people he loves countless times, says he won't do it again, and then inevitably does, again and again, until they just come to expect it. At his heart, Felix is so terrified of being emotionally open and vulnerable that it's second nature to lash out instead and then turn that pain inwards again when he realizes again how awful he can be.
By the end of the series, Felix has at least begun to come to terms with this. He's dealt with a lot of grief over the death of Gideon, but is able to realize that he's a person worthy of being loved, and capable of loving in return. He is working to cement and hold onto a relationship of respect and equality with Mildmay after having abused his trust and failing to appreciate him. He's learning to finally let the ghosts of his past just be memories instead of hauntings. And most importantly, he's trying to forgive himself and be the sort of person he can be—someone who doesn't want to hurt anybody anymore; leaps into danger to save others; lights up like the sun when Gideon likes a gift he gave him; will do anything he can think of to protect his little brother; and is actually, in the end, very brave despite being so very afraid.
objective: Felix vs. objectives will be one hell of a field day. He's incredibly prone to forcing himself to do things he's uncomfortable with as a misguided attempt to punish himself, or to do what he thinks is right no matter how ill-advised it is, and sometimes the two get conflated. His decision-making ability is incredibly poor in that regard. His objectives will primarily be things he either loathes or enjoys (or both) but would need to be pushed into doing: being open and honest with others about things that are important to him, being submissive during sex, and apologizing.
sample:
Introduce yourself in a few sentences.
My name is Felix Harrowgate—I can only assume that if that name is familiar to you then I need no further introduction. If not, I can't imagine what more a man in my position might have to offer at this point. What can one say about oneself under such restrictions without an expectation of what you'd want to hear? Introductions are dreadfully reliant on context.
"The suffering of a few is okay if it benefits a great many." Do you agree with this sentiment? Why or why not?
I think the answer to this would be quite different depending on whether or not you're currently the one doing the suffering. Anyone who would say yes obviously is not—and I've yet to meet anyone who sincerely believed otherwise under duress. That, or they have no idea what it means to truly suffer. Interestingly enough, the ones that get to make those decisions, you know—well.
What event from your past has impacted you the most? Please describe.
No.
What are three things you're good at, as well as three things you're not so good at?
As must be self-evident, I am dazzlingly beautiful, with razor-sharp intellect and a fine ability to make a complicated mess of virtually anything. I am not very good at being vocally self-critical, answering questions seriously, or suffering fools gladly.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Darling, I'm perfect, and that's rude.
Do you believe in soulmates or love at first sight?
That sounds perfectly awful. Imagine, if only one person could ever be beloved of you in a way that eclipsed all others! What would happen to a person when something inevitably happened to disrupt that relationship. You'd be carrying the ghost of it around with you for years, like some shadow through which you're forced to view the world. No, I don't like it at all.
"Killing criminals is okay if they've committed a grave crime." Do you agree with this? Why or why not?
Didn't we already go over this one a little? Oh, of course, we may not have been considering criminals as part of the "few" whom it is appropriate to let suffer. There are rules, there are laws—honestly, having been inches from heretical burning on more than one occasion, and having not stepped in when seeing it done to others … Well, I suppose that whether or not I agree that it's okay, I never did a thing to protest it, and have damned myself accordingly.
Do you consider yourself a strong person? Why or why not?
You'll want my brother for that.
If you met a stranger, and were allowed to ask one single question in order to get to know them better, what question would you ask? And, if somebody asked you this question, how would you answer?
Why should I have to pick only one when you've been given the liberty of so many? Though, truly, maybe this one—after all, you can learn more about the questions someone asks, rather than the answers that they give.
Free section: (Please put something which you think symbolizes you or is otherwise important to you.)
If I'm permitted a book while I'm waiting—will this be judged? reviewed? brought before the Curia?—Nahum Westerly's Inquiries into the World's Heart. My copy, please. I'd hate to leave it behind. It has some sentimental value.